Pockets of Joy is 1!
They grow up so fast! *sniff*
While brainstorming things to write about, it occurred to me that I started this newsletter exactly 1 year ago. On April 4, 2022, I created the space with a vague “Coming Soon” post, and a general description of what to expect. Two days later, with intense anxiety and an immediate vulnerability hangover, I hit “Publish” on my first post.
One year later, I’m way more comfortable putting myself out there, but the vulnerability hangovers still happen often. I wonder if I said too much or offended someone even after carefully editing every word.
I analyze my tone: Do I sound too preachy or like a know-it-all? Is this out of touch? Am I responsibly holding space for anyone in a different situation than my own? Does this help everyone feel seen and valued? Is there a more inclusive way to say this? *Googles alternatives*
Then, I remind myself of other things I logically know: I can’t please everyone. I’m not “too much.” What other people think of me is none of my business. For any one person that’s offended or thinks I’m a weirdo, there’s probably 5 more who read my words and feel less alone. My words and thoughts matter, and they’re worth sharing. Also, it’s not overly egotistical to say that.
None of these things are in direct conflict with each other. Putting myself out there and being authentic doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be considerate with my words. Part of who I am is being mindful of others and the impact of what I say, but the fearful, anxious, perfectionist loop shouldn’t keep me from sharing. The mental and emotional energy I spend crafting each newsletter sometimes makes me wonder if it’s sustainable for the long haul. And yet, I persist because I love it. No matter how long it’s been, writing is a practice that brings me back to myself and gives me joy.
I once heard Ayesha Durrani of Oath Oracle say that it’s more selfish to know that you have wisdom and not share your knowledge, and that hit hard. She flipped imposter syndrome on its head by this simple reframe: Instead of asking, “Who am I to be sharing this?” try, “Who am I to not share what I’ve learned with the world?”
As many of us know, imposter syndrome is feeling like you need to constantly prove yourself, afraid that you’ll be found out to be less than what people think. The antidote is simple, but not easy: to show up exactly as you are, being honest with your struggles, but also not downplaying what you know. In the age of carefully crafted social media personas, it’s a delicate balance to own your strengths confidently without developing an over-inflated sense of your own importance or capability (Hello, Dunning-Kruger effect!).
Being aware of this phenomenon and spending a lot of energy trying to avoid it might mean that you’re doing better than you think. You’re right on time with your natural progression of knowledge and experience. That said, we will inevitably make mistakes, and do our best to correct them. Acknowledging that can be equal parts terrifying and liberating. Disappointing people sucks, but it’s freeing to know that we can show up imperfectly and adjust as we go along. We fail fast and forward.
Emily Nachazel, the fearless leader of our Dream Catcher coaching group (more on that below), made the point recently that disappointing people is not the worst thing in the world. If someone lets us down on occasion, it’s most likely not a dealbreaker for the relationship (assuming no abuse, manipulation, or consistently toxic patterns). We’ll still want to show up and support them, because people who truly care about us care about our needs, too. Healthy relationships aren’t purely transactional. There’s a human element that makes room for compassion in our mess and lifting each other up in our times of need.
Thank you for being with me in this space for the last year. I hope you feel safe to show up exactly as you are as I look to do the same. Here’s to the next year and beyond!
As I look at creating more content for the next year of Pockets of Joy, what do you want to hear more about? Let me know in the comments!
The Overshare Zone
Thankful for: Emily’s Dream Catcher program, which has allowed me to meet some wonderful women in the same process that I am. Many of us are aspiring entrepreneurs, figuring out our vision and what we want to create. This group has been so healing for me to reflect on my desires and pinpoint some of the limiting beliefs and programming that hold me back from actually doing the thing.
Desiring: More fun and consistency in my writing and creative projects. Sometimes I have long droughts of not writing because I don’t think I have anything significant to share. I had an epiphany that I mentioned to my Dream Catcher group: I forget that sometimes creating or sharing something just for fun is enough, and I’d like to do that more often. As much as I like my content to be helpful or insightful, it doesn’t always have to be incredibly deep or profound to be valuable. I’ve seen Jordan Younger of The Balanced Blonde get back to regular blogging with her 12 Things Tuesday posts, to share little snippets of things that she’s loving or thinking about lately. I love those posts, and the idea of doing something similar here, simply for the joy of connecting with you all. You probably see a lot of my serious, intense side in this space (Yay, Scorpio stellium :-P), so I would like to make some more room for lightness/goofiness. If you know me IRL, you know that’s a big part of who I am.
Realizing: That I need to actually show up and make the space for creating vs. waiting for inspiration to strike. This is apparently discussed in The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, which is still on my list of books to read. I’m not entirely sure how this will look for me yet, but I trust that I’ll figure it out.
This brings me such joy! Happy Birthday!