The Way Forward Is...Forward
"If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done." -Thomas Jefferson
This has been sitting in my drafts for a while, and I finally decided to stop editing it and put it out in the world. Enjoy!
This is the type of post that originated from recurring themes that I’m seeing out in the world, conversations I’m having more than once. When I see a pattern, I have to pick it apart, analyze it, summarize it. You know how I love following a thread. In this case, I’ve spoken to a lot of people about the rise of “trad wives” on social media, and I have a theory about it.
To be clear, my definition of feminism is one in which women feel empowered to choose whatever path works for them and their family. So if you are enjoying the trad wife life, I love that for you—even if it’s not my journey.
I’ve written before about the importance of flexibility, and how technological advancements can free us from overworking while still being profitable. Of course, this idea has historical precedent.
Henry Ford’s proposal of the 5-day, 40-hour work week without cutting pay was revolutionary at the time, the 1920s. He sought to give employees more leisure time, so that they could come back to work refreshed. And also so that they could spend more money in said leisure time on things like…a nice new Ford. (There’s that profit motive!) It was counterintuitive, but other employers eventually followed suit, and it eventually became part of our culture, ushering in unprecedented prosperity and growth. Yes, we actually became more productive by working less.
Even so, this structure was built for the societal norm at the time, families with one breadwinner and one primary caregiver (usually women). Today, wages are not high enough to make ends meet for the average family, so everyone has to work. And no, a $5000 baby bonus won’t cut it.
It doesn’t help that much of this income now needs to be spent on ever-increasing childcare costs. Draconian work policies are forcing people back to the office full-time even though they could be just as productive at home. Parents, single or partnered, come home after a full day’s work to begin their second job of raising the next generation. Necessary support for child-rearing is a luxury reserved for those who can afford childcare or a single-income household, or those who have a rock-solid community to fill in the gaps. To top it all off, the U.S. Surgeon General’s Office recently issued a public health advisory for parenting. You read that right. Something usually used to warn against things like smoking is now being issued to highlight risks to mental health and well-being caused by the daily stresses of parenting. This is a moral failing for our country. Parents have an incredibly important and meaningful job, yet systemic support is severely lacking in the U.S.
Is it any wonder why trad wives on social media idealize traditional gender roles? Or conversely, that more people are opting out of having children? We’re tired. I see this as an overcorrection to a broken system that needs reform. People cling to tradition and control because they romanticize the past as a simpler time, but this simplicity comes at a cost. Also, it was never really simpler; people just suffered in silence. Caregivers (mainly women) are burnt out, and their unpaid labor is often taken for granted. Supporting a family on a single income may mean women have to sacrifice the things that make them feel like themselves to cover basic needs. Families are struggling, yet they blame each other instead of the culture that values profit over people. Technology is more advanced than ever, and poised to reduce the toil—if we’re smart enough to consider the people that worked to create the massive wealth that exists.
This way of thinking is all very human, by the way. People tend to avoid pain as a protective instinct, which can manifest in more conservative thinking, in this case. It’s known, and therefore it feels familiar and safe. But the real magic is made when we learn to alchemize our fears and take risks. We learn to sit with the discomfort, the messy middle, rather than try to escape it. It takes more people in influential positions being willing to try something new until it becomes the new normal.
What got us here won’t get us there. True, systemic change requires a perspective shift. It challenges us to balance the rugged individualism by leaning on our communities. We can choose to see rest as necessary, not a reward or a conflict with our ambition. How much work is really necessary to be productive and prosperous? As technology takes more of the tedious workload, how can we ensure that people have a high quality of life? As prosperity increases, how can we utilize that wealth for the greater good while still providing incentives for business owners? I feel that these are the types of questions that we’ll be asking ourselves in this new paradigm.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this. Sound off in the comments!