Uncovering My Path
I still have no idea what I'm doing, and that's okay
Hey, friends! Before I get into the main content of this newsletter, I have a couple exciting announcements about some new or upcoming offerings:
My calendar is open for tarot readings! Spots are available on a limited basis as I figure out my schedule. When you book a reading through the calendar, you’ll receive a pre-written/recorded reading from me within 7 days of the date selected. You’ll have choices available for different formats (written with a picture of your cards or an audio/video explanation) to get insight on a specific topic or area of life. If that sounds like something you’re into, you can book a reading here.
This newsletter will also include a paid subscription option soon! I’ll be taking some time to get on a more consistent writing/publishing schedule before turning on paid subscriptions, so stay tuned to get a taste of what you’re in for. If you like what I’m writing and want to support me as a paid subscriber, you’ll get more frequent content, whatever that looks like. I haven’t figured it out yet, but when I do, I’ll let you know. :)
If paid newsletter subscriptions or tarot readings aren’t in the budget for you right now (Inflation is no joke; I get it!), it would be amazing if you’d consider sharing my work with others. Whatever you choose, your support means the world to me!
I realized recently that I’ve been studying this spiritual/intuitive/woo-woo stuff more intently for a little over a year now. Just for fun, I decided to go back to last year’s journal to see where it all started. I bought my first astrology planner for the year 2020, which included space for writing daily intentions, top priorities, and stuff for the day. I used the extra space for journaling and reflection, which proved to be really useful for processing the utter dumpster fire that was 2020. So I’ve kept it going ever since. As I was reminiscing and flipping through old pages, I discovered the following entry from June 30, 2021:
“I’m not sure what it is, but I feel like I’m on the cusp of something important, like discovering my purpose or calling in life. I get little hints from God that I have something to offer that will help people, but I’m not sure what it is, or what form it will take (i.e. book, podcast, course, etc.).”
Oh you know, just normal thoughts for a random Wednesday in June. Living in my brain is a trip, you all. Also, there’s nothing like an ongoing global pandemic and long periods of social isolation to make one spiral into an existential crisis. Looking back, this seemed to be a pivotal moment that led me down this path of exploring different spiritual tools and modalities. Even before I knew what it was, my intuition was speaking to me.
Shortly after that, I started learning more about astrology and Human Design, and how it intersected with everything I had already learned about the Enneagram. By August, I had booked a career clarity reading with Alice Hu from Woo Woo Company and got interested in developing intuition through Nikki Novo and her Soul Seeker program and Soul Collective community (RIP), where I found Kate Van Horn and attended an introductory tarot workshop. I bought my first oracle and tarot deck and a couple crystals for good measure, as I sought to relearn hearing and trusting my inner voice. I thought maybe if I had enough tools in my spiritual toolbox, I could become Super Psychic and get some clarity on what the heck I was supposed to be doing with my life.
A while back, I listened to Melissa Urban’s Do The Thing podcast with Todd McCullough about starting a meditation practice. While meditation has long been used in Eastern cultures and spiritual practices, he designed a 4-part #mindright framework that includes gratitude, lifting someone up, setting your intention for the day, and being still and listening. The last part was used to, in his words, “create space to hear God.” Coming from a Catholic/Christian background, this interpretation made sense to me at the time and made meditation feel more accessible.
When I initially thought about accessing my intuition, I thought it would look like sitting in meditation for hours on end and hearing guidance from some wise, disembodied voice that wasn’t mine. I’ve since learned that intuition is something we all have, a survival instinct, and an expression of our own innate wisdom, which is interconnected with God/the Universe/Source energy (or GUS, as Jess Bubbico of Love Your Woo calls it).
While we have the tools to develop other psychic senses like clairvoyance (seeing) or clairaudience (hearing), at the beginning I found a lot of power in leaning into what came naturally to me. It turned out that the most accessible way for me to start trusting my intuition again was through oracle or tarot cards.
At first, I would pull cards and look up the meanings on Biddy Tarot, and the words that resonated would jump off the page. As I became more familiar with the tarot system, the numerology, and symbolism, words or phrases would pop into my head, and I would just decide to go with it. With consistent practice, I was eventually able to pull cards and trust what came to me. I still like to reference the guidebook for different decks to understand the artist’s intent and get new perspectives, but I don’t rely on it as much as I did in the beginning.
After a while, I’d notice butterflies in my stomach when an idea or opportunity just felt right, or the sinking feeling or lump in my throat when it didn’t. I realized that I’ve always been able to read the energy of the room and figure out what was happening under the surface and discern what people were thinking or feeling. I never realized just how powerful my intuition was until I started paying attention and trusting in little ways.
The unexpected benefit of strengthening my intuitive muscle was being more confident in who I am and braver in speaking my truth. I’ve noticed synchronicities that let me know I’m on the right path, even if it’s not completely clear why at the moment. As I continue to learn more about astrology, Human Design, and more recently the Gene Keys, it confirms the things that I’m naturally drawn to or already knew about myself. It shows me that I’ve had the answers all along.
Conversely, I’ve also learned that I’ll never have all the answers, and that’s kind of the point. There’s always an element of faith and trust in something greater than what our minds can perceive. You get little hints and breadcrumbs along the way that lead you to the next right thing, and your path will evolve and change over time. You may even have a broad sense of your purpose, but the details and how you accomplish it are up to you. Choose your own adventure! The journey is one of the joys (and frustrations) of being human.
Katie from Everyday Woo recently wrote about permanence and intentionally pursuing things that may not last, which really struck a chord with me. I feared starting this newsletter or offering tarot readings because I thought, “What if I don’t want to do this forever? If it’s another ‘job,’ will it lose its joy?” But I’m constantly reminding myself that success doesn’t necessarily mean doing something forever. Making money isn’t always synonymous with drudgery. We go through phases of ebb and flow, much like you see in nature through the moon cycles, the seasons, etc.
Like the Hermit card in tarot, the lantern of our inner wisdom sometimes illuminates just enough to see the next steps clearly. The other details are shadows in the darkness, a vague outline yet to be uncovered, if you keep trusting and moving forward.
The Overshare Zone
Thoughts for now, whether you want to hear it or not
Recovering: From Mercury Retrograde, along with, like, 5 other planets. This one was a doozy, which might be one reason that this post was over 2 months in the making as I struggled to string everything together in a way that flowed. While Mercury Retrograde is a great time for reflection, it can also make communication confusing. But now, the mental clouds have parted! Hurrah!
Learning: The history of all the early iterations of the original Smith Rider Waite tarot deck. Thanks to Simon over at The Hermit’s Cave YouTube channel and his Facebook group, I’ve been nerding out about why the line work and coloring look different in various versions of the deck. While there are so many modern tarot decks that I love and use, there’s nothing like Pamela Coleman Smith’s illustrations. It was my first tarot deck, and my intuitive connection with those images is still unlike anything else.
Loving: Fall weather, football season, apples, pumpkin spice, and leaves changing colors. This is my favorite time of year, and I’m soaking it up!
Loved reading a bit more about your journey! Also, I’ve never heard it called GUS but that cracks me up :)